"She looks just like So-&-so!"

They say that somewhere out there we all have a twin, a double, a dead ringer for us, a doppelganger. But I say it just isn't so.

"Oh, but she looks just like So-&-so!" you assure me. Once again, I say no. I admit, often at first blush you're certain someone is someone else's double; but, on closer scrutiny, this is never the case.

Just think of it. You go up & have a closer look at that person & realize how wrong you were. You discover her eyes aren't like So-&-so's eyes at all, & they're placed much closer together, really bunching up toward her nose, much like the way a serial killer's often do. Oh, & her mouth - on seeing her smile for the first time, you're amazed because, whereas So-&-so has perfect teeth, much like a movie star's, this girl's teeth are rather like those of a Jack-O-lantern: mismatched & uneven, if present at all.

Oh, & just look at this other girl's complexion, her pores - why, they're large enough to house the homeless, while So-&-so's pores couldn't even accommodate an oily blackhead.

I think you may be beginning to get the idea. Let me make it even clearer.

Do you ever play the Lottery? It's kind of tough to match all six of those numbers to win the big jackpot, isn't it? The odds against matching all six seem almost astronomical. Now, just think of all the facial-feature combinations a person might have. Then, imagine trying to come up with two people whose many facial-feature combinations (dozens? hundreds? thousands? more?) are exactly the same - & you thought trying to match six lottery numbers was tough!

Well, I know that by now you're convinced that none of us truly has a double out there. I'm glad you're convinced, because I'm tired of typing about it, even though we still haven't discussed neither eye color or eye shape, nor furry eyebrows or the barely there kind, nor the wide variety of noses, nor even the number of hairs on your chinny chin chin. . . .

The "Tightwad Twins" (their smart-money books)

My other short stories

Elmer Batters fetish books

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