Be greener:
Try a Rain Barrel

Q. Where do you work, Jon?

A. I'm with the Department of Redundancy Department.

Q. And what do you do there?

A. I duplicate a colleague's work.

Q. Sounds repetitious.

A. It is! It is!

Q. And what are your hobbies?

A. Pretending I'm in Austria while munching on Vienna Sausages.

Q. And what is your favorite book?

A. Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights, for its complex plot, devised by a woman who led a relatively sheltered existence. I think it shows a good deal of imagination.

Q. Any favorite quotes, Jon?

A. "I can tread water for as long as you can make it rain."

Q. Who is the one late historical figure you would really like to meet?

A. Bill O'Dell. He was notoriously tardy.

Q. I meant "late" as in . . . well, dead.

A. Oh, then Martin Luther.

Q. And why is that, Jon?

A. Because he shook the world. He was fearless.

Q. Ah, so fearlessness means a lot to you. Are you fearless, Jon?

A. Me? No. I'm afraid of a damp step.

Q. What does your personal insignia portray?

A. My which?

Q. Your personal crest . . . what is it?

A. It shows a cowering chicken against a field of yellow.

Q. Anyone you would like to meet who is still among the living?

A. That energetic fellow who went around and learned that no two of us have the same DNA or fingerprints.

Q. And why is that?

A. Just to let him no that he missed me when he was making his rounds.

Q. What bugs you?

A. Someone making fun of something that is important to someone else.

Q. What is the worst thing that ever happened?

A. To me, or to anybody?

Q. Hmm . . . to anybody.

A. That would have to be the first time anyone said "This is mine."

Q. Jon, what is the one bit of advice you could give me that would change my life for the better immediately?