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An Interview with Myself:



Books by their covers

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Q. Where do you work, Jon?

A. I'm with the Department of Redundancy Department.

Q. And what do you do there?

A. I duplicate a colleague's work.

Q. Sounds repetitious.

A. It is! It is!

Q. And what are your hobbies?

A. Pretending I'm in beautiful Austria while munching on Vienna Sausages. Also, watching the traffic reports on TV so I can go out to the traffic jams & see if they are really as bad as all that.

Q. Any favorite quotes, Jon?

A. "I can tread water for as long as you can make it rain."

Q. Who is the one late historical figure you would really like to meet?

A. Dick O'Dell. He was notoriously tardy.

Q. I meant "late" as in . . . well, dead.

A. Oh, then, Martin Luther.

Q. And why is that, Jon?

A. Because he shook the world. He was fearless. But then he was far from perfect.

Q. Ah, so fearlessness means a lot to you. Are you fearless, Jon?

A. Me? No. I'm afraid of a damp step.

Q. What does your personal insignia portray?

A. My which?

Q. Your personal crest . . . what is it?

A. It shows a cowering chicken against a field of yellow.

Q. Anyone you would like to meet who is still among the living?

A. That energetic fellow who went around and learned that no two of us have the same DNA or fingerprints.

Q. And why is that, Jon?

A. Just to let him no that he missed me when he was making his rounds.

Q. What bugs you?

A. Someone making fun of something that is important to someone else.

Q. What is the worst thing that ever happened?

A. To me, or to anybody?

Q. Hmmm . . . to anybody.

A. That would have to be the first time anyone said "This is mine."

Q. Jon, what is the one bit of advice you could give me that would change my life for the better immediately?

A. Try speaking ill of no one. Once you have mastered that, master thinking ill of no one. Poof, your life is changed for the better.



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Notice these things when buying a house
Notice these things when buying a house




Grandpa's 1930's perpetual motion invention
Gramps' 1930's perp-
etual motion invention




My bathroom makeover
My (orange!) bathroom makeover




Marx Toys
Marx Toys




Favorite Sports Cards
My Favorite Sports Cards




Personal library for sale
Be measurably cooler: read the books I've read




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